We are constantly filming our own ‘Pursuit of Happyness’ movies, always looking to find that ever elusive happy feeling. What if someone were to say you’ll be far happier if you lead a better sex life? Namrata D’souza finds out the truth behind the claim
What is it that you really want: More money, a healthy relationship or/and a disease-free life? Underlying any of these and your other wishes is always the desire to want happiness. Of course you will be happy if you get a raise or an unexpected windfall or have a loving and caring partner or are fit 365 days of the year! But, have you thought of adding one more circumstance in this list? Could a more active and better sex life lead to a happy life?
The happiness and sex equation
The subject of happiness being so highly desirable, there have been quite a few equations that have come to the forefront in order to help people follow the right ‘formula’ to happiness. You either derive it through happiness = P + 5E + 3H where P = Personal Characteristics (outlook on life, adaptability and resilience); E = Existence (health, friendships and financial stability) and H = Higher Order (self-esteem, expectations and ambitions); or you can try this formula too: H = S + C + V i.e. the level of happiness that you experience (H), is determined by your biological set point (S), plus the conditions of your life (C), plus the voluntary activities (V) that you do. Surprisingly or non-surprisingly, sex hasn’t been mentioned in these equations. So how important is sex when it comes to arriving at that perfect happiness formula?
Learn to love
Dr Deepak Arora, a USA Certified Sexologist, says, “A good sexual relationship is the most important aspect of a marital relationship and when your marital relationship is good, you are bound to be happy more often than not.” However, Dr Rajan Bhonsle, M.D. Hon Professor & HOD, Department of Sexual Medicine, KEM Hospital & G.S. Medical College, Mumbai, points out that sex must always be seen as a contributing factor rather than the sole factor that lets you experience an abundance of happiness. “Yes, sex always adds to the happiness that a couple experiences when they are together. However, if the relationship on the whole is bad, then even a good sex life cannot do anything to bring those smiles back,” he says, adding, “Happiness has to come from a whole lot of things and when there is love and respect present between a couple, a good sex life can add to their happiness by leaps and bounds; but it can never be the other way around.”
Get it working for you!
If there is one consensus that can be reached, it is that a good and active sexual life can give that definite boost to the level of joy in your life. Working towards improving your relationship and your sexual life go hand-in-hand. Here is how you can get this happiness factor to work for you:
- Mind tricks – It’s all in your mind. Yes, tiredness and the stress of everyday life will take their toll but here’s an exercise you can do – start looking at your partner in a more appreciative manner; remember all the good qualities, all the good times spent and then as you begin to love and respect all the more. Your mind is willing to spice things up and you are more than game for an increase in the number of intimate moments you spend. Remember, when the mind is willing, the body will perform.
- The F-factor – Improving your sex life and thus your happiness levels is highly dependent on the feel-good image you draw of yourself. Along with growing on an emotional basis, it
is necessary that both the partners put in that added effort to stay healthy and fit. A body
well rejuvenated helps spur the required desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life with one’s partner. - It’s not just sex – As Dr Bhonsle puts it, “Making love and having sex are two highly different concepts. The former is a mutual decision of the expression and communication of the love between the two individuals and focuses on equal pleasure for both or as it is called in India – sambhog.” When you remember, it’s not just sex in the crude way but a way of expressing love for your partner, no matter at what stage of your marriage, happiness is sure to make its way into your life.
- Take it slow – Dr Arora mentions, “Sex and impatience and hurry do not go well together. If such is the case, then enjoyment is minimal or non-existent. It needs to be enjoyed slowly and calmly.” What’s the use if one of the aspects that could see you smiling from ear-to-ear disappoints in bringing you pleasure? Learn to take it slow, linger, explore and rejoice!
- Start talking – Getting intimate with your partner is a form of expressing your love and to derive maximum satisfaction, talking and communicating makes a whole lot of difference to your relationship. Being in a marriage makes it easy for you to let your partner know about your fantasies and inhibitions. Simply let down your guard and talk it out.
- Spontaneity the key – This is an oft-given suggestion that is very rarely followed because of which married couples keep facing an issue in their sexual life. Novelty adds a new edge to your married and sexual life and breaking away from the rigid rules of the past is the key here.
- Create a love nest – A fitting environment could work wonders to improving your sex life with your partner. Create that special feel with a surrounding that symbolises sensuality with aromatic candles and naughty items, and you will automatically see a rise in the number of times you and your partner ‘hit the bed’.
Age no bar
If you thought hitting the road to happiness through sex was only for youthful couples in love, think again. A study conducted in the US has shown that senior couples who indulged in sexual activity more than once a month demonstrated around 60 per cent of happiness compared to the 40 per cent demonstrated by those senior couples who indulged in sex just once a month. The study found that general and marital happiness among old couples was more solid when there was evidence of more sexual activity taking place in their lives. This conclusion was drawn after taking into consideration factors such as age, gender, health status and satisfaction with financial situation. Dr Arora adds that one must not look at just one age bracket. “Increase in sexual activity brings more happiness not just for the aged but for people in other age groups as well. But yes, it adds on to the happiness of the senior individuals as knowing that they are desirable even at an older age makes them feel good about themselves.”
Signs of visibility
There’s an easy enough way to know if you are truly experiencing the wonders and different ideas on sex. New Woman’s experts have come up with a few highly noticeable signs to look out for to understand your happiness-sex equation better.
Emotional happiness: You cannot dismiss the radiant glow that shines off you when you know you have no complaints from your sex life. You are always smiling and the comfort level between you and your partner is such that there is no hesitation to hold hands or put an arm around the other even in public places. On the other hand, a not-so-good sex life means you are kept away from this emotional happiness and are always in a state of insecurity, fear and jealousy.
Physical happiness: It is said that 30 minutes of good sex can help burn 85 calories! Now that is reason enough to believe that a good sex life will mean you feel physically fit and refreshed day in and day out. Also as Dr Arora points out, a good and healthy sex life will mean that your stress levels will come down naturally. Coupled with the release of the feel-good hormones, endorphins, during this act, your general immunity will be on an all-time high and your depression will gradually begin disappearing and you will find yourself more and more relaxed as days go by.
