It was love that brought them together and marriage happened. Some couples had it easy, while some had it tough but inter-faith marriages have survived and will survive. Aruna Rathod talks about four married couples that have leapt over boundaries and tied the knot for their happily ever after.
Salma and Rajesh Prabhu
Khoja Ismaili and Saraswat Brahmin
The Prabhus are married for 30 years now. At 19, Salma believed that marriage is a coming together of two families, and marrying in the same faith and society would bring happiness and joy to her parents and community. “All this disappeared when I met Rajesh at a debate. He seemed to have a lot of respect for women, and I found myself getting attracted to him. We dated; he proposed after 10 months and I accepted,” says Salma.
The couple did not break the news to either side of the family. “As expected, there was a huge resistance from my grandmother, and she reminded me that I would be burnt when I die. Also, the type of wedding was an issue. Even though I wanted to have a court marriage, the rituals were also to be performed,” recalls Salma.
After four years of marriage, the Prabhus were blessed with a baby boy. They taught him that his religion was humanity. “During his school days, he faced questions regarding his religion in the school. But he grew up to see his parents celebrated Ganpati with equal joy and happiness as they celebrated Eid.”
Salma believes that her husband’s faith didn’t make a difference to her and neither to him. “With our families, there was not much of trying to blend, but everything went well. There were small obstacles which were handled with maturity and kindness. The best part is both my brothers are also married to Hindus,” adds Salma.
Love tip: Keep your individuality, blend in wherever necessary.
Rupali Sebastian and Sebastian Zachariah
Hindu and Syrian Christian
Rupali is a Maharashtrian Hindu and Sebastian is a Syrian Christian, married for 20 years. “Luckily, we both are not religious. I am a soft agnostic and Sebastian is a hard-nosed atheist. My father-in-law was the president of the Kerala Catholic Association but he never interfered with our faith or the lack of it.”
After marriage, Rupali wanted her altar adorned with Lord Ganesha and Jesus Christ. “I am spiritual, not religious and like to light an oil lamp and burn incense. It’s totally ritualistic with a base in spirituality. But it’s not religious. My husband simply tolerates it,” she laughs.
Belonging to different faiths, there was a small blooper that happened a few years ago. One of Sebastian’s nephews was receiving the sacrament of Confirmation (one of the seven sacraments for those following Christianity), and both Rupali and Sebastian had to attend the function. “Sebastian never stressed that it was a big religious celebration so I dressed very casually.
The family was not too pleased at my appearance!
I was simply clueless about being formally dressed for the occasion!”
Love tip: The religious factor in a marriage can be as bad as you make it.
Anita Mehta and Rahul Mehta
Roman Catholic Tamilian and Gujarati
Most communities are very rigid about their customs and food habits, and the Mehta family was no different. Anita and Rahul Mehta have been married for 30 years now. Anita is a Roman Catholic from Tamil Nadu and Rahul is a Gujarati. “When we decided to get married, there was opposition from my husband’s family as the perception about Catholic women was that they are too forward,” says Anita. But Rahul was very supportive and decided to not ask for permission but simply go ahead get married and then inform his parents. “For one year it was very tough, as they did accept me but food habits was a major issue. I was a rice eater and didn’t know how to make phulkas, I didn’t know that Gujaratis do not eat vegetables grown below the ground during certain seasons,” recalls Anita. After marriage, she didn’t visit her mother’s home for six years as the in-laws would taunt her about eating non-vegetarian food there. It took time, and Anita was patient. Their son follows Rahul’s religion as Anita was clear she didn’t want him to follow both religions.
Love tip: If you have the guts to get into an interfaith marriage, go ahead, but make sure you do not regret your decision. It requires a lot of understanding and compromise.
Pratima and Joseph Reddy
Hindu and Andhraite Christian
Sometimes, conversion is not a solution, it’s the attitude of the individual. For Joseph Reddy, an Andhraite Christian married to Pratima—a Hindu (Maharastrian CKP), things were very relaxed. The couple has been married for 13 years now. “I have two siblings—a brother and sister. My brother married a German and my sister married a Belgian. So when I decided to marry an Indian, my father was really happy. In the Reddy tradition, caste was/is very important but not the religion,” says Joe.
The couple wanted to get married in church by choice. “Pratima is very understanding. Since she was not a Catholic, we had to sign an affidavit saying that the child born to us would have to follow Roman Catholic faith. She was perfectly fine with it.” Their son Aarav, who is now 10, follows Christianity. Much earlier in the marriage, Pratima wanted to convert to Christianity, but the church was not convinced with the reason she cited which was ‘convenience’. “But this didn’t stop her from accompanying Aarav and I to church every Sunday,” says Joe.
Love tip: Both partners should respect each other as individuals. Forcing or coercing to follow anything (including religion) is never going to work out in the long run. Be a friend more than a spouse; everything else will fall in place.
