Women—even those in high places and positions—face innumerable personal and professional challenges. Despite this, some of them have high energy, are always raring to go, and in a happy, spirited frame of mind. Vimla Patil reveals the secrets of women who have extraordinary strength and the ability to keep smiling
Sometimes, in the hurly-burly of life, we women forget that happiness is often just a stone’s throw away! The stress of modern life takes such an awful toll on our patience as well as mental and physical stamina that we are left with little or no energy to laugh and be merry! Every hour of the day, we are struggling to keep our children and husband in the loop, keep track of every activity that our children need to do, work hard to climb up the ladder of career success and look good for every occasion concerned with work or leisure. On top of all this, we need to keep ‘in touch’ with friends and family and remain healthy and fit to supervise our homes and fulfil workplace duties. It’s a huge job by any standards. Today, we are bombarded daily with advice about being healthy, exercising regularly, practising yoga or pranayam or meditation, looking at the positive side of life, counting our blessings and many more tips on living a happy life. But all these still do not help us to delve deep into our hearts and find a permanent method to make us happy, spirited, affirmative women!
What do they have?
And yet, when we look around, we see that some women who are ‘just like us’ are somehow very different. They have the same awesomely full day of work and worry, the same mind-numbing responsibilities and the same nagging problems while maintaining their health and good looks. But in spite of all these, they emerge as people full of fun, happiness and joy. Their faces are radiant with enthusiasm, their bodies are energetic and their spirits are high. They have immense physical and mental stamina. How do they do this? How do they overcome so many hurdles and come up winners? Here are some lessons we can learn from them:
Cut out all negatives from your life. We all go through painful experiences, illnesses, past humiliations and loss. But how we put them behind us and move on, decides how happy we can be. Take the case of Dimple Kapadia who had a sheltered childhood and stardom at 16. She was the envy of all women when she married Rajesh Khanna, the superstar of the day! But after her grand success in her very first film, came a series of tragedies. Her marriage broke up; Reem, her sister committed suicide and Simple, her other costume-designer sister, died of cancer at a young age. Dimple stood her ground and continued to cherish her family. She fought for the rights of her daughters but also looked after her husband during his tax troubles and bad health. She became compassion incarnate and left her past behind. Today, she has her own business of super-beautiful candles, her successful daughters with their careers, a loving superstar son-in-law in Akshay Kumar and grandchildren to play with. She looks more beautiful with so much pain in her beautiful eyes and continues to give sterling performances! Now in her middle age, Dimple has shown how a woman can forget and forgive the past and be happy and full of energy through kindness and compassion.
Listen to your heart. In this age of ‘hard headedness’ and ‘lack of emotion’ which are rampant in business life and the selfishness we encounter in our personal lives, the throb of the heart often goes unheard. Follow the beautiful Hema Malini’s tip and keep your ear close to your heart most times. “The decisions you take this way will keep you happy and bring you the energy which is generated by joy. The heart is always more compassionate and loving than our heads. Heads calculate while hearts resonate,” she says and confirms that her beauty is because of this principle which she follows scrupulously.
Learn to control your anger and rage. Anger, jealousy, angst and impatience cause more wrinkles and puffy eyes than you would imagine. If you want a shining face and a quiet heart, make a superhuman effort to throw away these destructive rage and anger attacks. Giving credit where it is due lightens your heart. Giving support, love and care where deserved also creates a pool of peace and happiness deep within you. As actor Rahul Bose says, “Helping a blind man across the road is a hundred times more satisfying than slapping your enemy.” Deliberately, choose love rather than hate; be kind rather than offensive; share rather than be selfish and forgive rather than be vengeful. This will change your life dramatically and make you an immensely happier person. You will be surprised how happiness and energy multiplies if you follow this rule.
Start new, innovative activities. With routines set by our demanding careers and the clockwork precision of family demands, our lives lose the patina of novelty and excitement. Starting small, new ventures—such as quick enjoyable weekends, learning new skills, making new friends, changing one’s monotonous looks, planning family or buddy get-togethers, acquiring small luxuries—help us to reinvent our lives every day. Once you open this window, you will find that hobbies and fun activities do not cost much but bring you the joy of acquiring mastery over new skills and loads of enriching knowledge.
Recreate happy moments again and again. In our lives, we go through some unforgettable experiences that we cherish. These could be rewarding career success, joyful assignments, leisure activities or hobbies and exciting travels which create unforgettable memories. We enjoy special relationships or friendships which give us security. We cherish all these deeply. Backspace to these, whenever a dull mood of self-pity or distress gets you. Like the poet William Wordsworth, use your solitude to recall ‘the daffodils’ of your beautiful experiences to ‘dance’ with the memories. For instance, you may have heard divine music on a starlit night which you like to hum, or a lovely date you had with your partner/husband and the tender love you enjoyed or the applause you received after getting an honour in your profession, or your visit to a heavenly country, or the love your parents and family gave you—these are just some re-creatable moments. Go back to these whenever you feel down and out and you will smile more often than not.
Find new solutions to old problems. Don’t sit in front of a problem and worry about it. Find ways to overcome it or give it a miss and move on. Remember the example of a river which, when faced by a mountain, takes a different route to reach the ocean; and when faced with a ditch, fills it with her waters and still goes on. This is the ideal example of ‘moving on’ for every woman.
Have faith in peace and beauty. There is a whole new world of peace and faith which our rich and ancient culture offers. Many people find inspiration in the beautiful words of the Bhagvad Gita or the Bible or the Quran. Check out these sources for yourself. For instance, in the Gita, Shri Krishna shows a very easy way to experience divinity.
He says that He is the fragrance of the earth, the light of the sun and the coolness of the moon, the silence of all secrets, the lustre of fire, the prosperity in the prosperous and the grace in the graceful. Krishna is the selfless love among all beings. If you acknowledge these truths, you can easily experience divinity every day of your life and discover its beauty and joy. Every silent moment can bring new happiness and create a quiet corner of solitude in your heart where you can retreat whenever the world seems to be too much for you.
Keep memory cards in your mind. Strive to do your best for your family, friends and for your career. Work sincerely for your society and nation with a feeling of pride and a sense of belonging to your culture. Develop a feeling of caring for the environment and the animals and birds in your country. Live with empathy and compassion in all your relationships. Great people have said that a compassionate conscience is the best pillow for deep and rejuvenating sleep for us. Rest well on the pillow of compassion, forgiveness and love to all, and automatically, your happiness quotient will increase manifold.
Be caring. Make every effort to show a caring attitude—in words and action—to your family, friends and the people you come across in your life. Your home is the centre of your universe and if you are unhappy here, you cannot be full of joy anywhere else. Beautify your home and make it full of love and happiness for all—your family and every guest who visits you. Do your best in your work and focus on doing better. Great orators like Morari Bapu have said repeatedly that the secret of a happy and joyful life is threefold: Forgiveness, compassion and love. Stick to these and a joyful smile will never leave your face. Your personality will be radiant. Your heart will be totally peaceful!
