Do you have your child’s safety covered? Do your children know how to protect themselves when an emergency arises? These smart tips from Kiran Manral will ensure that your child has a protective net around him and you will never have to say sorry
This is a question every parent faces at some time or the other. How does one train children to keep themselves safe at the times when they are not escorted by a parent? How do you make a child so independent and confident that the child has enough road sense and knows the safety norms to be able to make it to wherever they are going without getting hurt or harmed?
A parent and a blogger in New York stirred up a hornets nest when in 2008, she let her nine-year-old ride the New York subway alone (http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/2008/04/06/ why-i-let-my-9-year-old-ride-the-subway-alone/). Her post on why she let her son take the subway home created a brouhaha in the blogosphere and spilled over offline. Some people wanted to turn her in for child abuse. But the fact of the matter remains that we are hyperparenting our children today. That leaves them with no real skills to stay safe in an increasingly dangerous world.
A child who is overprotected by hyperparenting will eventually not be able to do anything by themselves. I am guilty of that too. As a child of nine, I travelled from the Mumbai suburb of Goregaon to Bandra to school and back, alone, let myself into the house with a latchkey, heated my food, ate and stayed safe until my mother came home from work. It was considered normal, nothing extraordinary. Today, my son is eight, and the most courage I have is for him to go down to the park on his own, and at the best, I will trail down behind him in a bit to check on him and see where he is and what he is up to. Call it paranoia. Attribute it to the scary stories in the newspapers every day about abducted children. But we have a tough job as parents in today’s context, to parent appropriately, keep our kids safe and yet teach them how to be independent.
Here’s what you can do and teach your children to do in order to stay safe, or as safe as they can be when you are not around.
Basic tips
Every child should know his name, his parents’ names, and where he or she lives, as soon as he or she can learn to speak. It is important that he knows by heart, the name of the building and of the area where stays. As the child grows older, parents must ensure they know their home phone number and the cell numbers of the parents. Every parent should talk to their children about good touch and bad touch as soon as they begin to understand body parts and privacy. This could be as young as two years old. Explain to the child that no one is supposed to touch them on their private parts nor are they to touch anyone’s private parts. Empower your child to say, “Stop. No. I will tell my parents.” Also, build the kind of relationship with your children that allows them to come to you with any issue they may face without feeling that they would receive a scolding for it. Teach your child that they are within their rights to refuse to obey an adult if they feel uncomfortable about something. Very often, paedophiles take advantage of our insistence on blind obedience to adults. If your child is small, teach him to stay in one place, if he is lost in a mall or any public place and that you will find him. Tell him to find someone in uniform (security staff) and tell them that he is lost and to announce his name and ask for his parents.
Safety at home
You have to get the basics into place. No touching knives, scissors or other sharp objects without parental supervision. As children get older and know how to use them you could allow them to use them only if you’re sure they can use them without incident. They are to know that electric sockets are out of bounds, leaning over balconies and railings are verboten and to never be done. Of course, one is assuming that your home has been childproofed to start with. If you must leave the child alone at home, never lock the door from outside. If there is a fire or something inside, the child won’t be able to get out. Instead, teach the child how to use the latch and the chain, and insist the child never opens the door to anyone except you and your spouse. Ensure that your child knows how to operate the phone, to call you or your spouse, a neighbour or a security person (watchman) in case of an emergency. Have a neighbour’s number pinned to the telephone or on speed dial for the child to call if something does happen. Teach your child to answer the phone without mentioning that they are alone at home in case anyone calls. Role-play various situations. What would they do if a package delivery person arrives, a gas cylinder delivery happens, someone rings the doorbell? Have a key with a neighbour who is normally at home so they can open the door in case of an emergency. Ask a trusted neighbour to keep a watch on the child.
Safety in the park
Do teach your child to not accept sweets and things from strangers, and if anyone approaches them promising to show them something, to let them know that the parent is right around, even if they aren’t. Ask them to avoid isolated, unlit spots and stay where there is a crowd. Let them learn to have a buddy system to watch out for each other. They are never to get into anyone’s car or go with anyone no matter what the person promises them. Even if a stranger tells them their parents have sent them to pick them up from school or play, they are not to go with them.
Safety while using public transport
Travel a lot with them on public transport. Make them familiar with the route, the tickets, the procedure of buying them if you’re travelling by train, or the fare for the bus. Start off by taking a later bus, asking them to get off at a specific familiar stop and wait for you on an earlier bus.
List out the rules: Wait for the bus to stop completely before trying to get in or out. Don’t put your hand out of the bus, or indeed any body part. Sit in your seat or stand in one place if there are no seats available till it is time to disembark. Teach them the bus number and the route so they know where they are at all times during the journey in case they have to disembark and call you. Teach children to ensure their shoelaces are tied before stepping onto an escalator.
Always ensure children have enough money on them to reach home and a bit more in case they need to take an auto or a taxi if they’re stranded. Teach them the name of the exact location you live at and the directions by constant visits up and down before you let them try the trip on their own. Teach them to walk on the inside of the road, to look in both directions and wait for traffic to stop completely before crossing a road. If they get lost, instruct children to go to the first cop they see and ask for help. If they are in a bus, let them speak to the driver or conductor. Let them not ask any stranger for help nor accept help from any stranger. Let kids have at all times on their person a card which states their name, home address and other contact details. Do also consider if your child is mature enough to travel alone. A good rule of thumb is 12 years. Most children are mature enough to travel alone by the age of 12.
And finally, monitor your child. Don’t hover, don’t supervise 24x7, but give your child the freedom to master tasks independently and move around on their own without the fear of being lost, kidnapped or worse.
