With the outbreak of dating apps and the subsequent morale boast, more women are opting for
half-night stands. Akanksha Narang explores in depth the rising trend of ditching the post-coitus sleepover.
The definition
It’s an itch single people feel when they have a slight craving for sexual stimulation gnawing at the back of their mind. If you haven’t had sex in a while and all you want to do is indulge in the act of love-making sans the love and the morning after conversations, half-night stand is the latest trend you need to acquaint yourself with! In a half-night stand, you get done with the act and head back home to embrace the comfort of your own bed, in your worn-out but pet pair of pyjamas.
The shift
Meneka, a marketing professional describes her experience. “I had broken up with my boyfriend that week and my ex ceremoniously decided to mail me his destination wedding invite. I really needed to go out and unwind over a few drinks. Since all my friends were busy, I installed Tinder and went on a date with this frat guy. We were intoxicated but that wasn’t the reason to invite him over to my place. Honestly, I really just needed to get laid.”
Causal encounters are known to have hiked since 2012, co-incidentally the same year that Tinder was launched. The app, infamous as a platform for hook-ups, has made satiating your physical urges undemanding and congenial. However, the question is why millennials are opting out of staying the night? Meneka continues, “I had expected my Tinder date to be well-endowed down there but he wasn’t. We tried a few times but he couldn’t get his soldier at attention! If you can’t give me what I called you for and then not even cuddle, why should you stay the night?” It is surprising that while most men take the quick exit once they get what they want, women opt out if they don’t get what they are looking for.
Dr P D Lakdawala, Psychiatrist, Bhatia Hospital, Mumbai explains, “Such kind of a phenomenon is not really new to our society. If you read old historical scriptures, the Indian society was considered to be very free and there was free sex. Later came an age where people became pseudo-moralistic and things changed. Sex is a bodily need and both men and women need it.”
He believes that especially in a conservative country like India, more women are opting for half night stands to refrain from emotional attachment. “Half-night stands are a way for women too to fulfil their sexual desires just like men. Also, since it is about physical relations without any commitment, there may not be feelings involved while separating. As opposed to full-night stands, the two people do not spend much time together. Nobody has to change or modify their lives to accommodate the other person.”
The power struggle
For decades, women have been at the receiving end of the dating game. The morning after has been a phenomenon of fear in commitment-phobic men since women always seemed to desire emotional connection. However, millennial women have risen in power to break the chains of stereotyping. Clinical Psychologist Seema Hingorany says, “These are strong women, who have climbed the ladder of success and do not want to be held answerable to the man. A lot of my clients tell me that they left their hook-up’s home in the middle of the night because they do not want to seem clingy or have any conversations the morning after.”
But does it really establish equality?
It would seem only palpable that a mutual desire for casual sex and fulfilling it without any strings—promotes gender equality. However, it is observed that women come out of it far worse. Since women are essentially emotional beings, having a string of half-night stands does affect their thoughts. Replacing anything real with a series of casual encounters feeds the body but not the mind. A scroll through Reddit sees that men describe women who enjoy half-night stands as “detached from reality” and “damaged”. With India being the centripetal force of gender bias, the opinions of orthodox Indian men are shoddier. Neeta Shetty, Psychotherapist at Blissful Mind Therapy Centre explains, “Unfortunately, our society is still traditional and men still think that a woman who has had several affairs or casual encounters is not fit for marriage. These men will not be serious about a woman who enjoys half-night stands even if they themselves do. The double-standard remains.” But do confident women need such men? Would you even want to marry someone with an orthodox mindset?
On the other hand, Seema Hingorany believes it is not as much about the power as it is about being independent. She says, “Today most urban women don’t want to be dependent on men for boosting their morale. They want to fulfil their physical needs but also get out of it very quickly. Women do not want to stay for breakfast. Nobody wants to be answerable the next morning.”
What does it say about you?
The most obvious conclusion about someone who indulges in half-night stands is of someone who doesn’t bleed. However, Hingorany would beg to differ, “These are the people who care a lot. They care about their partner, the society and their emotions. People who tend to be more emotional and easily attached consciously form such connections to avoid getting hurt. In fact, no matter how modern they appear, they still care about what the society thinks. I have a client who never allowed the guy to stay over till the morning because she didn’t want the maid and building people to know about it.”
Shweta, an IT professional describes half-night stands as private and secure. She says, “A guy walking out of my home in the morning only leads to further speculation from the society. Since these are just casual physical experiences, I do not want to risk my image or answer any unsolicited questions about my so-called promiscuity. I prefer if the guy is gone before dawn.”
Shetty agrees that people who do half-night stands are in fact emotional. She says, “Some people who have been hurt in the past tend to disconnect themselves from forming real emotional bonds. They fulfil their need of togetherness and warmth by indulging in a half-night of sex but do not want to risk getting attached.”
Channel 5’s documentary on this subject titled ‘Swipe Right For Sex: Half Night Stand’ sheds light on this millennial approach to dating. In the clip, a girl is seen describing sex as casual as “a drink of water in the morning.”
So does it work better than one-night stands? While it may or may not work for you, the trend is here to stay. Millennials have put their foot down and like everything else, do not want to waste too much time on the frills that come with sex. While nobody’s judgement should matter to you if you opt for half-night stands, a perennial pattern can mean there is room for introspection.
