TIMES ARE CHANGING AND GENDER ROLES HAVE BECOME MALLEABLE. TODAY, IT IS EQUALLY IMPORTANT FOR BOYS TO EMPATHY, CULTURE AND COOKING AS IT IS FOR GIRLS. RITU GHAITALKS ABOUT BREAKING ALL BIASES AND RAISING SELF-RELIANT BOYS.
Raising an independent self-reliant boy is the dream and efforts of all parents. But they often forget that self-reliance does not mean academic and professional success alone. It means putting your son in a position where he can provide himself with all the things he requires.In most Indian households, boys are rarely expected to cook, sew a button, clean the house or even boil water. All because this is just not a ‘boy’ thing to do. They know mothers are there to look after these matters and after marriage, their wives will take over the house tasks. So they can simply relax and ask “what’s for dinner?” Not an eyebrow is raised ifthey leave the room dirty, scatter laundry on the floor and don’t bother with any household duties. But it’s time to tame this spoilt prince and teach him that there is nothing masculine about not helping around the house. It’s important to make your son get involved in home tasks right from a young age.
Cooking Is Not A Girly Thing
Cooking is an important skill to teach him in this era of nuclear families where both men and women work. Start at a young age when cooking is considered to be a fun activity. These skills will not make him less of a man than those who would rather die hungry than cook.Spending time in kitchen also encourages interaction and shared enjoyment of creating something tasty. Use of imagination is cultivated and trust me,your son will never go hungry in life. Ritu Verma, a senior school teacher with St Mark’s Senior Secondary school at Meera Bagh, New Delhi points out that men have always known to be better chefs. “Teaching your son how to cook or do household work means you are raising good sons who would grow up to become great husbands. They become an asset for working women and family with only male children. Atleast parents need not worry about their sons feeding themselves while they are away. These habits also help remove gender bias. And for those who think otherwise, believe me they actually envy your son who knows how to cook”, says Ritu with a touch of spice. Although boys are biologically programmed to behave in certain ways but its best that parents don’t attach their habits to their gender. Dr Manju Mehta, senior psychologist and former professor and head of Child and Adolescent Department at AIIMS, New Delhi talks about the difficulty in raising boys with these skills. “In our culture tom boyish behaviour is acceptable in girls but the reverse is not true. Even in games feminine roles are not accepted in boys. Learning skills like house management and cooking is important as it increases adjustment, makes boys more independent and confident. Boys, especially those living abroad must acquire these skills as it keeps them busy and away from drugs, smoking and alcohol”, she mentions.
Teach Your Boys Respect And Empathy
As a mother of two college going boys, Rituexpresses, “I can’t think of a better gift to my daughter-in-law than a husband who can cook, clean and share house load with her. Even the age-old notion ‘boys don’t cry’, no longer holds true. If your son is upset, let him shed a tear or two. There is nothing unmanly about expressing emotions,” she adds. Supporting this parenting philosophy, Manjari Kumar from Ramprastha Greens, Vaishali, remarks, “Today boys and girls are getting education in the same school and given similar upbringing. So why teach them different skills. I have two sons and I have always taught them to make their own bed, put their towels to dry, clean up their wardrobe and learn how to cook. Boys have to be taught to respect women and care for her emotions. Nowadays I see a lot of advertisements that show men as compassionate and more sensitive towards women. Such social media messages are great ways to blur gender lines and assert equality”, says this young mother to 12 year old Anish and 7 year old Nimish.
Skills Do Not Have A Gender
Mumbai based TV actress, Anjuman Saxena has always encouraged her only son, Parth, to follow his heart, even while choosing a career path. Today, he is Junior Sous chef with The Oberoi, New Delhi. “The time that I grew up in had defined roles for boys and girls but luckily in my family gender bias was non-existent. My brother is a chef and my son followed the same profession. Right from a young age, Parth expressed his desire to cook, and we as parents encouraged him. I remember when he was 10 years old, he cooked an entire surprise meal for us on our anniversary. Today we are proud to say that our son is a chef and a great one too. But the society still needs to change,”says Anjuman on teaching young boys empathy and respect for feelings of others.
Offering a piece of advice, leading psychologist, Dr. Prerna Kohlistates, “Sons must be taught to value and appreciate a woman’s contribution to society. Unfortunately parents in India rarely teach their sons to respect women. This increases incidents of rape, violence against women in the society. Raisings sons to shun away "feminine" roles is a disservice to the society. At the time of a birth, a female child is no different than a male child, it is parents and the society who create gender barriers,” says Dr Kohli citingthe example of Canadian Prime Minister of Canada, Justin Trudeau. “His selection of ministers with 50 per cent of the ministerial roles being held by women is an indication of his belief in the equality of the sexes. He has been raised with the correct values by his mother, and that reflects in his professional behaviour too”, she concludes. As parents of sons, we have the power to build a society that is more tolerant and sensitive and this is possible if tasks and habits are not associated with gender.
