We all want our children to be happy but raising them to be cheerful, contented and confident is not always easy. Educational psychologist, Sapna Chouhan, lists down simple steps to create a loving, nurturing, upbeat environment so that you can give your child the gift of permanent joy
As a mother, educational psychologist and the head of a school, all I want for my children is to be happy. Nothing else matters and everything I do or say is going to affect that. As a young mother, I was always worried as to whether I was doing the right thing; then I slowly realised that the only thing my child was looking at was me. So this is what I did. I smiled. Every time they looked at me from their crib, I had a smile on my face. It was not easy; I may have been in pain, worried, sick about something, angry with my spouse but I had a smile on my face, because children get vibes; they know if something is wrong. So the motto of my life and school was and is “of all that your child wears, his smile is the most important.”
These simple steps will ensure that your child keeps smiling
Be clear about your views on parenting: Know your thoughts and feelings as a parent, even before your child is born. Discuss these with your spouse to check if you are ready to be a parent, and are on the same page about parenting skills and what you want the child to imbibe, so that your child doesn’t get
mixed signals.
Set home rules: At the very core of raising a happy child is framing a set of rules, which you must insist that the child follow. Children need these boundaries right from the start. Set limits but do be flexible. An environment that is too rigid may make the child turn defiant or subdue him.
Let your child have a rhythm: Mother Nature has a beautiful rhythm; which is why the universe runs so amazingly well. The sun has a time to rise and set. Birds wake up every morning at daybreak and fly out of their nests to look for food. Every living organism thrives on rhythm. So do children. Let there be a time for your child to sleep, to wake up, to eat, to brush his teeth first thing in the morning and just before he sleeps. This rhythm creates stability and it becomes easier for the child to go with the flow.
Give your child the gift of health: A healthy child is a happy child. Creating total well-being means introducing the child to healthy food that is also a part of your own diet. Include a lot of salads, fruits, soups and juices in your daily meals. Go for a walk or a swim with your child. Children observe and learn. When they see you cycle or jog or do yoga, they will know how important it is to keep fit. Take them to parks often. Let them play with other children of their age.
Be a good, responsible role model: Children learn by imitation. They watch their parents all the time; they look closely to see what you are doing. If you want them to do something, do it yourself first. For instance, when you come home, make it a point to keep your shoes in place, change your clothes, and freshen up and you’ll see your child following the routine soon. As mothers, we don’t need to ‘teach’ children. They learn from everything around—nature, friends, books and, most importantly, from you. It’s a natural process.
Create a congenial environment: A calm and serene environment helps the child to be at peace and centred, creating a space of joy and ease in his heart and leading to true emotional development. Children don’t like loud noises, bright colours or too much of visual or auditory stimulation. They would prefer not going to the mall and would rather spend that time in a garden with you or play board games or do some other activity.
Don’t say ‘No’ all the time: Young mothers use the word ‘no’ very often. It’s much better to try and change the direction with distraction or humour when you see a disagreeable situation coming your way. Don’t ever bribe children or use treats to get simple tasks done from them. While discipline is important, we don’t need military rule nor can we do without rules. The key is to adopt the middle path and aim for balance and flexibility. Also, don’t be too hard on yourself either.
Be in nature: Nature nurtures. It’s the best teacher. Be close to nature with your kids, sing to them, and keep them in a safe environment. Watching a queue of ants going about their work will teach a child more about discipline than a long sermon on it. Watching a bird building her nest diligently or feeding her little one will connect your child to the wonders of nature. Nature gives a child’s brain the chance to rejuvenate. Let your child collect leaves, pebbles, contemplate on clouds, watch bugs crawl at their pace and flowers bloom. It’s important to give your child the opportunity and freedom to explore what’s out there in their surroundings.
Let them help with chores: Involve your child in household tasks. It makes them feel important and responsible. Completing their tasks successfully does wonders to a child’s self-esteem. Allot duties like laying the table, or picking up after a meal. Let them take risks. With responsibility comes maturity.
Be consistent: Don’t bring up children by default. Let your own actions be consistent with your words. Children know right from wrong. Don’t give them confused signals by saying something and doing something else.
Show your affection: Children thrive on your warm smiles and tight hugs. Let them see your face light up when they enter your room. Let them know how delighted you are in their company. Demonstrate it with all the other members of the family too. Knowing they are loved and valued does great things to a child’s self-image and they learn to reciprocate the feeling and empathise with their loved ones.
Celebrate their uniqueness: Every child is special. Don’t try and make him something he is not. Don’t compare him with anyone, not even his siblings. Don’t try to live vicariously through him by making him do things that you never got to do in childhood. Recognise his skills and motivate and encourage him to help them blossom. Bring up your child to be a confident and good human being.
Let them be: You may think that by enrolling your child in different classes, you are equipping him with multiple skills. Don’t make him do something he does not want to. A child is a free spirit. You must let him be and have his own space and time to do what he enjoys and loves. If he wants to just look out of the window and do nothing for some time, so be it.
Offer unconditional love: Your child must be confident about your support—that no matter what, you are with him. Children don’t get this confidence by attending various classes or by coming first in anything or by securing 95 per cent marks. This confidence comes when they have faith in you, and when they know that even if they get a zero in their test, it’s not the end of their world and that their parents will love them as always and work with them to start afresh. Show your child how proud of him you are, for just being who he is.
Create an attitude of gratitude: It’s better to appreciate what you have rather than crib or whine about what you don’t. Encourage children to be grateful for what they have—from the food on the table to their favourite toy to the lovely friend who plays with them every evening. By learning gratitude, they become sensitive to the feelings of others and develop empathy and other life skills along the way. Weave appreciation into your daily conversations for things you take for granted like your pet cat or the sunshine or the delicious breakfast or the kind neighbour. Grateful children take delight in making others happy and are themselves happy too.
So instead of focussing on making your child an engineer or a doctor or a lawyer, make him a happy, healthy human being.
