Pre-menstrual syndrome is the worst nightmare of women as it wreaks havoc with their emotions. Instead of maintaining a safe distance during that time of the month, men should play a crucial role in calming their beloved’s frayed nerves. P Shraddha talks to experts to find out how women and their spouses can deal with this monster together.
o you just break down because the television’s volume was set at an odd number and not even? Do you get mad because you don’t like the way your man sounded when he called out your name? Do you eat the rest of the pizza yourself while your man is still licking the cheese off the first slice? Are you wondering why all this happens? Check your calendar, you may be suffering from pre-menstrual syndrome (PMS).
Let’s paint a picture of what exactly is going on in your head when you are dealing with the PMS monster. You are backdating and trying to figure out when you can schedule a beauty appointment with the parlour lady… you have a zit on your face. Suddenly all your clothes magically shrink and the most important question playing on your mind is, should you go ahead with your personal plans. You are never sure if your period is going to stick to its timeline. Everything is too stressful.
But rather than battling the blues alone and making your man bear the brunt of your mood swings, team up and plan how to deal with PMS positively. Dr Deepali S Ajinkya, clinical hypnotherapist and psychologist, says, “The physiological and hormonal changes that a woman undergoes during PMS make her act out of her element.” If you thought the only way to deal with this syndrome is to vent out your frustration on your partner, then you are wrong. Here are few simple ways to battle the blues.
Ways to deal with PMS:
Plan a girls’ night out: This is probably the safest and the most fun thing to do. Step out of the house and let your girlfriends take over. They don’t need instructions when it comes to PMS. You will enjoy spending that special time with your friends, who will pamper you.
Make a date with your partner: Share your period date with your partner and ensure that both of you keep a track of it. Tell him that small gestures on his part such as fetching sanitary pads or tampons for you will make things easier for you. After all, there’s nothing like starting the PMS on a caring note. If you and your partner are bad at remembering dates, download one of the period tracking apps. A notification could save both of you a lot of stress every month. “Last month, my husband got me a pack of sanitary napkins and a stress ball because he remembered my period cycle. It was a sweet gesture on his part,” smiles Divya Pujari, a married working woman from Mumbai.
Seek your man’s help: Rather than being egoistic and refusing to seek your partner’s help, ask him to give you a gentle massage or heat the water for your hot water bag or rustle up some steaming soup. Look up a list of comfort foods together. It may not make the cramps go away, but you will feel happy that your partner is taking efforts to make you feel comfortable.
“Women are greatly affected by hormone fluctuations. Sometimes it gets to the point of feeling totally overwhelmed—as if they have lost control of their life for a certain time frame,” says Christiane Northrup, MD, author of The Wisdom of Menopause and Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.
During this phase, men need to play a crucial role to be their partner’s emotional anchor and give her tender, loving care. Here are a few things that men need to keep in mind while dealing with their loved ones during that time of
the month:
How to ease your partner’s pain:
Communicate with her: Keep the communication lines open with your woman. Talk to her to show her that you care. She will probably question every decision you’ve made in your life—from ordering a cheese pizza that morning to being with you. Probably, she will also come up with tons of theories and life-changing inferences in this phase which would make complete sense only for those seven days. But do not judge her on that.
Throw in a compliment: Remember that her hormone levels resemble the equaliser of a music player, so pick the moment and make the fluctuation work in your favour. Surprise your woman with the book she’s been wanting to read, or snuggle with her and watch a marathon of her favourite movies. Catch her off guard and tell her you love the way she carries herself. PMS creates an incredible need for extra affirmation, so tell her things that will make her feel good about herself. The need to hear that she is beautiful, a great friend, a great lover and you can’t live without her. Spell it out to her.
Get some action: Here’s an interesting fact, women are most interested in sex around ovulation. In fact, research shows many women crave sex during and before their period—be it because of the drop in progesterone or the comfort of knowing you probably won’t get pregnant. Sense the mood first and then go for it.
Know when to stop: All said and done, your woman doesn’t want you to make everything a big deal. That would only irritate her a lot as women have mood swings and can say things they don’t really mean. So give your woman some space, if she wants to be by herself.
The don’ts
- Do not tell her she should be better at handling PMS because it happens every month.
- Don’t make statements like “Why don’t you take the pills if it hurts so much?” simply because you can’t handle it. It’s insensitive and does not help a woman. She has probably already popped the pill.
- Don’t talk about her weight. Her body looks bloated because of the syndrome. Talking about her weight will not solve the problem.
- Even if she is being unreasonable, never blame the PMS. Or even joke about it. PMS jokes are not funny. It adds more thoughts to her already existing galaxy of thoughts.
- No big discussions—where’s this relationship going, moving to a new city, I want a baby, etc. You don’t want her hormones to take the decisions for you.
Finally, facing a testing week once a month shouldn’t be a tough task for men and women. Treat this phase as a learning phase. If you can accept each other during your worst phase, you can overcome
everything together.
